Sometimes...

I am so attracted to him i cant stand it. and other times, im not at all. tonight we went to the movies, and as i kissed his neck and he ran his hands over my body without ever kissing me, i wanted him so badly. but then when we were alone in his car afterward, and his intentions were even more clear,i wanted nothing to do with him. its true that i miss him during the week when hes away, but when im with him i want to get to know him, and let him inside to get to know me. sometimes, though, i think he just wants me to take my clothes off.
tonight we had our first fight.
i talked to him about my ex-boyfriend (whom i dated for 2 1/2 years) and then when he realized something was bothering me he said "i missed you all week, i want to spend time with you, and right now your just letting peter*my ex-boyfriend* rule you." this frustrated me. he has no idea how wrong he is. peter wasnt even on my mind much less "rulling me". what was on my mind was what i mentioned earlier. about him wanting to be physical more than me. but i couldnt tell him that. i dont know why i couldnt; maybe i just didnt want to hurt him. But he needs to know how i feel about it.
im going to tell him later tonight.
i plan on sneeking out again. around 2 or so.
theres is a duck pond beside the college football field that i want to take him to so we can talk and walk around at the same time. that way its not so awkward, and its one of my favorite places to go in this town. i think if hes confused about why were there he'll listen more closely.
ill update later

8.7.06 05:18