i know i have a boyfriend but....

my boyfriend and i are at that point where we are arguiing about pointless things and relying more and more on sex to make things better. I know hes a great guy, and weve always said we'd be together for a realllllly long time, but....things are really boring and shitty right now...what i need is excitement....
and excitement has a name.




ok, so his name i am def. gonna say is jake..even though its not.



well, jake is a few years (5 or 6) older than me and VERY cute. He's your every day tall, dark, handsome, charming, confident, intellingent, funny guy....
so ya, tough choice i know.
plus, hes liked me for a really long time and recently we started getting to know each other a lot better.
we had convo's online where he told me flat out he liked me a lot and it sucked i had a bf. he also hints at the fact that im taken all the time. ex; *while listening to a song the lyric "girls rock ya boyz" comes up and i jokingly changed it to slap and then playfully slapt his arm. then he says "slap your boy? im not your boy though. ....sadly"
:O i mean, COME ON! its like little by little he reminds me i cant have him which makes me want him more. gaaah!
did i mention hes been with only 2 other girls who he dated for a long time and fell in love with both of them? well, he has. and they were both gorgeous so that makes me feel very flattered. unfortunelty, they live in a town almost 6 hours away,.....
and so does he.
yep. i live very far north and he lives very far south.
it sucks a big pickle.
BUUUUT its only about a 50 min flight.
which i know because i went to see him this past weekend...

now before u jump to conclusions, nothing seroius happened.
ill tell you the most intense moment we had and then ill tell u the rest.
we were watching a movie and he put his arm around me and then i sort of leaned in and laid on his chest. then he took hes other arm and brushed my hair out of my face and kissed me on my forehead/ temple. then, he takes the same hand and starts to run his fingers over my left ear..all while watching a pg rated movie, mind you.
then, he leans in and whispers in my ear...what he said ill never know cuz at that point i was so turned on i had lost my ability to hear. then, (while i was trying to mentally get rid of my goose bumps) i realized how much he really likes me. he was being so sweet and gentle and nothing like someone who just wants to have sex.
anyway, other than that....he took me to a karoke place friday night and we both got a little tipsie. but nothing happened because we were with a group of people. or i pprobbly would have fucked him senseless. hoenstly.
then sat, we went ice skating together, and to a major league baseball game.
sun was when we saw the movie, and then i left.
i actually cried a little on the plane because i was so sad to go. i told some girl named heather i was crying because i had just visited my boyfriend and we werent going to see each other for a year because i was going to study abroad in france....what can i say? im a huge liar when i know im crying about something immature and i didnt want her to know that. the real reason
i was crying was because i knew i couldnt have him.
i knew that i couldn't break up with my boyfriend because i dont have the heart, and even if i did jake lives so far away it would be so difficult and expensive to see him....i could move there, but that would be a huge risk and definately alter the plans ive made for my future...anywayz. i ned advice i guess. if this were a tv show what would u want me to do next?
please gimme something.
~me

3.7.07 08:32